You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
