Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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