Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
