So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
