I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
