Can i not drive my cunt home
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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