More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Canadian or clown?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day