Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
