Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.