i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.