Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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  (630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093
  Replies (30) Good night (4136) Bad night (725)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me

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  (952): Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me http://tfl.nu/evhv
  Replies (29) Good night (4970) Bad night (1860)
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  (646): View more from New York

  My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.

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  (646): My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/3g6q
  Replies (14) Good night (795) Bad night (6249)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.

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  (623): I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit. http://tfl.nu/pl0y
  Replies (15) Good night (5089) Bad night (644)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  She even gives head with a lisp.

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  (407): She even gives head with a lisp. http://tfl.nu/76cl
  Replies (17) Good night (2393) Bad night (4715)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy

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  (228): i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy http://tfl.nu/ftf6
  Replies (1) Good night (2503) Bad night (1006)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.

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  (865): Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing. http://tfl.nu/w2oe
  Replies (2) Good night (2117) Bad night (924)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.

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  (306): We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit. http://tfl.nu/ure1
  Replies (1) Good night (602) Bad night (950)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.

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  (630): Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face. http://tfl.nu/i080
  Replies (8) Good night (549) Bad night (1231)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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  (425): You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia. http://tfl.nu/758u
  Replies (7) Good night (1684) Bad night (410)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees

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  (208): dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees http://tfl.nu/cqup
  Replies (7) Good night (787) Bad night (1458)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die

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  (+61): I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die http://tfl.nu/r2qr
  Replies (18) Good night (1103) Bad night (675)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.

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  (205): Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line. http://tfl.nu/zcb1
  Replies (9) Good night (888) Bad night (538)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You made out with two different species that night

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  (508): You made out with two different species that night http://tfl.nu/gvcb
  Replies (8) Good night (511) Bad night (1362)
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  (323): View more from California

  but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"

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  (323): but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA" http://tfl.nu/kezs
  Replies (2) Good night (689) Bad night (364)

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