Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka

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(240): At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka http://tfl.nu/5kll

Replies (21) Good night (1079) Bad night (5496)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

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(508): We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while. http://tfl.nu/9c2t

Replies (32) Good night (3903) Bad night (899)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.

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(774): i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD. http://tfl.nu/8lo9

Replies (28) Good night (634) Bad night (5421)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.

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(618): Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman. http://tfl.nu/awok

Replies (12) Good night (2580) Bad night (902)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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(970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify

Replies (58) Good night (8870) Bad night (975)
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(850): View more from Florida

some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

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(850): some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face. http://tfl.nu/tn6y

Replies (12) Good night (5203) Bad night (1811)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.

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(706): I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life. http://tfl.nu/uth4

Replies (20) Good night (1556) Bad night (4130)
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(301): View more from Maryland

you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

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(301): you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off. http://tfl.nu/9btz

Replies (26) Good night (6384) Bad night (2032)
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(518): View more from New York

one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what

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(518): one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what http://tfl.nu/cm71

Replies (7) Good night (2069) Bad night (937)
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(415): View more from California

You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.

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(415): You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can. http://tfl.nu/e8s7

Replies (5) Good night (1786) Bad night (2077)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.

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(412): Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out. http://tfl.nu/chur

Replies (10) Good night (4208) Bad night (1191)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.

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(405): No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm. http://tfl.nu/8gfx

Replies (4) Good night (2105) Bad night (708)
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(573): View more from Missouri

i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.

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(573): i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man. http://tfl.nu/t42g

Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (1004)
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(313): View more from Michigan

When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.

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(313): When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand. http://tfl.nu/rx8e

Replies (13) Good night (923) Bad night (1901)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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(775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv

Replies (14) Good night (1536) Bad night (424)

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