Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month

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  (847): This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year (847): And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month http://tfl.nu/rprb
  Replies (91) Good night (778) Bad night (3230)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

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  (678): Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth. http://tfl.nu/wet5
  Replies (9) Good night (811) Bad night (3388)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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  (561): Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade. http://tfl.nu/fybc
  Replies (77) Good night (786) Bad night (7460)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

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  (317): Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke http://tfl.nu/o61t
  Replies (16) Good night (6486) Bad night (900)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours

  (816): View more from Missouri

  outstanding.

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  (816): and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like. (1-816): Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours (816): outstanding. http://tfl.nu/qtfw
  Replies (15) Good night (4543) Bad night (1018)
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  (619): View more from California

  I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.

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  (619): I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person. http://tfl.nu/uqdv
  Replies (54) Good night (1889) Bad night (5977)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I really should sober up and deal with this hangover

  (941): View more from Florida

  It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though

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  (941): I really should sober up and deal with this hangover (941): It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though http://tfl.nu/cygd
  Replies (5) Good night (2177) Bad night (988)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b

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  (803): He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b http://tfl.nu/qxl5
  Replies (9) Good night (1566) Bad night (4598)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  pants will make it better? really?

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  (804): I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand. (1-804): pants will make it better? really? http://tfl.nu/cx1r
  Replies (7) Good night (2432) Bad night (760)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on

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  (540): i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on http://tfl.nu/ddt2
  Replies (1) Good night (1368) Bad night (700)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter

  (323): View more from California

  yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake

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  (215): yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter (323): yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake http://tfl.nu/wu9k
  Replies (13) Good night (980) Bad night (1410)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.

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  (678): I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex. http://tfl.nu/mbc3
  Replies (2) Good night (949) Bad night (496)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it

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  (612): I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it http://tfl.nu/0efz
  Replies (0) Good night (810) Bad night (455)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?

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  (440): Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth? http://tfl.nu/sdk1
  Replies (2) Good night (326) Bad night (676)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.

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  (586): Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever. http://tfl.nu/pbak
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (587)

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