He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
