Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
