How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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