hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
