why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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