Plan B is the new Plan A
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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