Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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