you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize