he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
