Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
