I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
