I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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