He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
