All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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