Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
