I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think I just sharted jello shots
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
