Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
