the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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