Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
