Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And then my night got REAL pukey
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
