He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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