There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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