Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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