you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
