i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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