This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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