OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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