You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i barfeds in our rink
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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