I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
