my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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