butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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