I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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