I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
