That's when you crack a 10am beer
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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