exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize