That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
