i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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