I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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