you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
