you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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