i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
