I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
