I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
is that a dick in a sweater?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
