Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
