Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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