Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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