that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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