Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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