i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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