I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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