need another drink. this is the easiest way
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize