i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do herpes really smell.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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