just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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