im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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