I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I see more hoeing in ur future
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