hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
