remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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