just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
