The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
